Staying the course

So when I first found out I was pregnant... again... I figured I had a good long time for Amber to get potty trained. I mean, she wasn't even 3 yet at that point.

And NOW I'm getting impatient because I realize that #3 is going to be here in a short couple of months and this stubborn girl is still not doing her job. She's potty-trained one or two days, and then she falls off the wagon. I realize that going to swing and playing with Thomas the Train is very exciting and it's hard to tear yourself away, but for goodness sake I AM SO TIRED OF CHANGING TWO BUTTS ALL DAY!! Especially when ONE of those two butts has been semi-using the potty for well over half a year now.

So I get it into my head that I will just start making her wear regular underwear. I talk it up--she's all excited. (She's very into being "tall" and "big" like mommy right now. She's the only person in the world who thinks I'm tall.)

I figured we'd have accidents, but she'd be so upset by wetting her clothes that she'd get it under control ASAP and that would be the end of things.

OOOOOH, but no. I should have figured as much with that brick-headed child. Today was day 1 and we had 3 accidents. She made NO attempt to use the potty and could not have cared less about walking around with a "bonus" in her underwear.

I found myself getting REALLY PISSY with her. I know you're not supposed to make it a negative experience and be all supportive and do it on her timetable. But this is driving me CRAAAAAAZY!!!!!

But I am staying the course for at least a few days... she has GOT to do it sometime, right????? Though I have visions of myself sending her to her prom with a purse full of Pampers.

A Great Mystery of Motherhood

It dawned on me today that one of the greatest mysteries of motherhood is simultaneously loving your child so much that you'd lay down your life for her in a nanosecond while at the same time wanting to smack that same child into next week. (Of course, I would never act upon that second impulse, but sometimes the mental image does help to bring my boiling blood down a degree or two.)

The latest darling thing that has been working on my nerves is Amber wanting something and not wanting it at the same time. This happens daily in a number of situations, much like this scenario:

Amber: "I want some juice."
Me: (Pouring juice and handing cup to Amber.)
Amber: "Uh-uh." (crosses arms across chest and closes eyes, as if sight of the juice makes her ill.)
Me: "Ok then." (Takes juice back to fridge.)
Amber: (screaming) "JUUUUUUUUUUIIIICEEE!!!"
Me: "Here then." (hands cup back)
Amber: "Uh-uh." (Crosses arms again, etc.)

This little scenario would repeat itself indefinitely if I kept offering and retracting the juice cup. And she does it with anything---wants to brush teeth but won't open mouth, wants to walk but sits on ground when put down, wants a toy but won't take it when offered. Annoying, to say the very least!

Unfortunately, the only way to end this stupid cycle is to let the kid scream her guts out for a few minutes till she breaks down and stops acting like a fool. Whenever she does one of this "yes-no" numbers, it's always a downer because I know Amber Volcano must erupt to move past this. I'm hoping for a short-lived phase...

And here's where I came to my great paradox--loving a child so completely and simultaneously wanting to throttle her. I'm sure when she was a baby I could never DREAM of ever even THINKING about hurting my kid, and I used to worry that perhaps there was something really wrong with me. But I have to come to realize that all moms probably reach that level of frustration at some point with their defiant toddler. I just consider these events an exercise in patience for me, while at the same time a means to shape the behavior and character of a developing little person.

Whenever we have tantrums, fits, and fallouts, I try to focus on the big picture. Without ever crossing the line, how else would this child learn what behavior is acceptable and what is not? And fighting these battles now will be better than trying to fight them years down the road...

But the hard part is having to sometimes scrape the bottom of the barrel to come up with the energy and patience to remember that in the moment! Which is why I sometimes find myself yelling out "Lord, give me strength!" in the midst of one of these moments! I'm just waiting for the day one of the girls starts repeating that one back to me!